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“People have said there is an integrity about me, and I think there is. I don't try to follow a trend. I have my own little path.” - Sarah Brightman

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Life Lessons (Learned?) Part 1

As I was sitting the other day and writing on my essay about my life, a lot of things went through my mind. Firstly I started writing on it again after such a long time and it felt good because I was thinking that one day when I get old and my memory goes bad, I will have this to go back to, to look at and remember all the adventures I had. Mostly it will be fun when I'm showing this to my kids and grandchildren and hopefully make them think, reflect over their own life and learn something from it. Not so long ago I learned that my mother and father had written something like this too. I know my mother has, because she keeps it safe somewhere and according to my big brother he has read it. As it goes for my father, well, haven't heard anything about it except that he didn't finish it. Well, I will at least finish mine writing the last words when I'm laying on my dying bed one day and pass it forward to my children. I feel so old thinking like this and I'm only 23.

To be honest, I didn't come here to put a tear in your eye, I just wanted to share something I have learned these past two years. It started with me abusing something, something I don't want to get into in case someone close to me reads it. (It's ironic, being careful writing about private subjects on a social network.) However it started and in the beginning I didn't understand until I was to deep into it. Even though it was a bad experience it taught me a lot, well you now what they say, life is a lesson and you learn it by living it through. What this thing did to me was one crazy experience with ups and downs but mostly it made me confused and my thoughts was very scattered. I didn't know what I felt, because one second I felt good and the other second confused. It didn't only affect me but my surroundings too, but it weren't the only factor effecting my mind, it was also a bad relationship even though even that had good time and bad ones. These factors affected me so hard that I started make up imaginary scenarios and resulted with me almost losing my friends and it went so deep that I fell into depression. It was like a black cloud above my head, following me everywhere I went and affecting everyone around me and worst of all I didn't understand why it was happening until I quit doing it. (Don't worry, it was nothing involving needles or such.) Since I have been clean I've got hard grip around my life and suddenly my mind opened and everything started to make sense. Today I sit here and reflecting over my life and my bad decisions but if it weren't for those bad decisions I wouldn't have learned this lesson or even been sitting here writing this. I'm glad I've overcome my weakness and also proud. My life is looking brighter and my goals in life is becoming more clear and clearer for every day that goes.

I don't know who you are or where you're from, but I hope this helps and you get something useful out of it and don't let that black cloud above your head (if you have one) stop you. Be in charge and control of your own life, it's never too late.

Before I finish, there is one last thing I need to say. Why I fell into depression was because of one simple reason, communication. I didn't talk with anyone about this or let them know why I was the way I was, resulting in people avoiding me. As time went by I opened up about it to my best-friend and after that it got simpler. Another reason communication is important is because I wasn't completely honest with my ex and therefore it ended with us splitting apart, well kind of. When it comes to my ex and our relationship it's more complicated, maybe I'll go into it some other time and then you might better understand my situation because what I've told you know is only one side of the coin for why I felt depressed. You'll understand when I have told you the other part of the story. For now, this is enough.

Yours sincerely

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